Cheating can be a real disaster for both partners. Perhaps you already understand that something is wrong with your marriage, and your instincts kick in.
Do you suspect that your wife wants to cheat on you? We'll try to help you figure it out.
This article contains the opinions of 9 relationship experts to help you understand the behavior patterns and physical signs your wife is cheating.
Note that if only one or two of the signs listed below exist in your marriage, it is not enough to say that your wife is cheating.
However, if you see a lot of this behavior in your wife, you should at least talk to her frankly.
Licensed Psychotherapist at christinasteinorthpowell.com and Author of Cue Cards for Men: A Man's Guide to Love and Life
- She is freshly showered when you come home from work, and this hasn’t been the case before.
- She is suddenly interested in sexy lingerie when she hasn’t been before.
- She has started to take much more interest in her appearance and/or has started working out more, dieting, or perhaps wearing more (or different) makeup and changing or putting more care into her hairstyle.
- She has a password on her phone when she hasn’t before.
- She has less sex with you and/or makes up excuses to not have sex at all.
- She “travels” more, or her trips to the store or to run other errands last longer than they used to.
Certified life transformation and relationship coach at CompleteCase.com
1. She needs a lot more privacy than usual
She suddenly demands a lot of personal space, much more than usual. For example, she locks herself in the bathroom, sits there for hours, and her phone is with her all the time. She has become distant and devotes less time to you, always explaining that she wants to be alone and not to be disturbed.
2. She rarely takes your calls
It used to be easy for you to get through to her, but now, she doesn't pick up the phone when she's with friends or not at work. At the same time, at home, she never lets go of her phone, all the time chatting with someone.
3. She tries to please you
She acts like she's at fault, even though you know she has nothing to apologize for. She cooks your favorite dishes, although she does not really like them, or she suddenly gives you gifts.
She suggests that you invite your friends over more often even though you know she hates them. In general, your wife's actions are aimed at making amends.
Because of adultery, women often feel guilty. Then, unconsciously, they try to apologize to absolve themself of responsibility for the betrayal.
4. You see additional expenses from bank accounts
Your wife has started to spend more money than usual, although there are no birthdays, other holidays, or additional household expenses expected in the near future.
At the same time, she starts to withdraw cash from the bank account more often instead of paying with a credit card so that the final recipient is hard to trace.
EMDR certified therapist at hopehealstherapy.com
1. Changes in mood
You notice that your wife has started snapping a lot. Seemingly harmless questions make them get annoyed or irritated with you. Upon asking what’s bothering them, they end up gaslighting you.
Or you might notice that they have stopped complaining as much and do not argue or express dissatisfaction even if nothing has really changed in your relationship with them.
2. It seems like she is always on alert
You might notice behavior that’s not normal for her. For example, her phone is always with them. She leaps at the phone with every notification and steps away to respond to a text or answer a call. She does not seem very relaxed.
She asks you a lot of questions about your schedule. If you ask to use her phone, you notice hesitation, or you notice she’s hovering around you the entire time you have her phone.
3. She tries to get distance from you
You might notice that your wife is looking to keep her distance from you. For example, you might notice changes like encouraging you to go on work trips or spend more time with your friends.
She doesn't complain as she used to about you spending less time with her. She is not interested in getting intimate with you anymore.
4. She is spending more time in front of the mirror
You might notice that she is overdressed for the place that she tells you she is going to. For example, she tells you that she is getting coffee with a friend but dresses up like she would for a date night.
You might notice that she is starting to put more effort into looking a certain way, which is not normal for her to do.
A licensed professional counselor from Neurofeedback & Counseling Center
Realizing that your partner might be cheating is not something that can be easily proved or dealt with. We often hear signs that a man is cheating on his significant other, but we rarely hear signs that a wife likes another man. They can be very different.
One of the lesser-known, or less noticeable signs, is an increase in shopping. Being at home with her significant other might be too much time together, and guilt could set in. An easy way to avoid this is to go out and go shopping to make her feel good. When she is shopping, take notice of what she is buying.
Another sign is an increase in confidence in appearance. Wanting to dress up more or do makeup could signify that she is trying to impress someone.
If you find that she is going to great lengths to improve her appearance but avoids intimacy with you, this could also be a sign to look for.
If your wife was someone who enjoyed your company before and out of nowhere insists on having privacy or doing things on her own, this could be a good indication of cheating.
There are many signs of cheating that could be explainable. Try talking with your wife before jumping to conclusions. Make sure something else isn’t causing her behavior changes.
If you try to speak to her and she refuses to open up, it could be safe to assume there is infidelity going on. Once you are sure you have enough evidence of cheating, calmly confront her when you know you can manage your emotions.
Finding out a partner is having an affair is never easy, but finding out is the first step to emotional healing and thinking about the next steps for the relationship.
Eduard Andrei Vasile
Family & Couple Relationships Expert
1. The relationship has cooled
The passion is gone. Your wife begins to treat you more like a roommate or a best friend, and the words that once made you happy are gone. Someone else will likely benefit from her tender and affectionate words.
2. She always works overtime
We all work overtime, but we don't make it a habit. We couldn't do that physically in the first place. If she arrives home late every day, it is one of the warning signs that she could be spending time in someone else's company.
3. Your wife is nervous and agitated
We all know that women are sometimes more sensitive, but in cases where she cheats on you, she will feel guilty and become angry the moment she meets you or gets home.
4. She checks her phone very often or keeps it silent
Something is arousing her interest on the phone. It could be secret conversations, or she just doesn't want to be bothered by a potential lover.
5. She doesn't look happy!
It's a painful feeling for both parties. We all want to be happy, but we also want to bring happiness to our partner's life. The moment we realize that our wife is no longer happy, it can be an alarm signal.
6. Last but not least, they keep avoiding looking into your eyes
Eye contact is one of the first signs of betrayal. When we feel guilty and know we are hiding something, we will avoid our partner's gaze. It can be extremely painful, but at the same time, we should realize that things are not okay.
As I tell all my clients, communication is the key, and both male and female infidelity is a choice. Infidelity causes hard-to-heal wounds, so a visit to a counselor is highly recommended.
Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill
Licensed marriage and family therapist and the author of marriage books
- You were both supposedly hoping to have a second child, but you noticed a package of condoms sitting in her yoga bag that she later admitted were to be certain that precautions were taken by the man she had an intimacy with.
- She insisted that the family join in with 3 other families to rent a summer home for vacation, as they had done for the last couple of years, even though you wanted to do a vacation with just your family. You believed that something was going on with your wife and one of the other guys. They seemed to be too friendly, and she always seemed in such a good mood when she was in his company.
- She never really liked going out during the week to meet with a particular group of women. She knew one of them was having an affair - now she's interested and seems to really enjoy them.
- She is so, so agreeable - it is a dramatic change of behavior which she says is all about a new way she wants to be.
Dating Expert at getdatinghelp.com
There aren't a lot of 'guaranteed' physical signs that your wife is cheating, but when combined, these are telltale signs.
1. Physical Coldness
If your normally affection-seeking partner suddenly recoils from your touch or doesn't want to be held when cuddling is a normal nighttime occurrence, this is a sign that something's wrong.
2. Moving to Hide Things Quickly
When they have nothing to hide, women rarely care if their husband sees who they're texting. But if they're jumping when you walk into the room, hiding their phone, or stop using it as soon as you're around, there's something up.
3. Sudden, Extreme Attention on Appearance
Partners should encourage a woman to care for herself in whatever way she feels comfortable. If you've had a recent conversation about this (where either of you brought it up), then it's likely not a sign she's cheating.
But if you've noticed she's losing weight, wearing makeup when she hasn't in years, and looking better than she did when you were married - and there's a big event coming up that easily explains the change - then you know it's sneaky signs that it’s time to have a heart-to-heart with your wife.
4. Increased Blinking
If you've just asked your wife about something related to her possibly cheating, and she blinks more than average, you've found another sign of cheating (or, at the very worst, lying to you). Everyone blinks at a certain rate; for most healthy people, that's 8-20 times a minute.
But when we're telling a fib, that autonomic reaction increases - meaning, something you can easily change by just thinking about it. It's a bodily reflex.
1. She is Less Available
To have opportunities to cheat, most people need to create more time and space apart from their spouse.
Some common strategies are working late, joining hobby/interest clubs, or some other organization with weekly meetings.
She avoids going to bed at the same time as you. When you're up watching TV, she goes to bed early. If you go to bed early, she stays up late. Essentially you become more like two ships that pass in the night.
2. She is Taking More Showers
If your wife's normal routine is to take morning showers, and suddenly she is taking showers as soon as she returns home, that could be a sign.
3. She is Jumpy Whenever You Enter the Room
Sudden jerky movements such as closing the laptop, locking her cell phone, or finding an excuse to get up and leave the room are proven signs of cheating.
4. You are Suddenly Given a New Cologne Scent to Wear
One of the oldest tricks in the cheating book is to make sure your spouse wears the same scent as your secret lover. This way, the cheater doesn't have to worry about smelling like they have been with someone else.
5. She is Taking More of an Interest in Working Out and Buying New Sexy Clothing
When thongs and Wonderbras replace granny panties and Playtex bras in her drawers, that could spell trouble. This is especially so if you never actually see your wife wearing them, yet they are being laundered weekly.
6. Going Out More with Friends You Have Never Met
When "new friends" appear in your wife's life, and she is spending more time with them and never introduces you to them, it is a red flag.
Several years ago, I knew a married guy and had a baby daughter. He drove a UPS truck by day and pursued a multi-level marketing business at night. He was constantly going to meetings and trying to figure out how to sign up more people to increase his commissions.
His wife had befriended a male co-worker whom he had never met but was fine with her "hanging out" with him from time to time.
Sometimes she and this friend of hers would meet for a drink after work, see a movie, and on one occasion, they went to a Prince concert. One day I asked him if he was ever worried about his wife and this guy hooking up. He said: "No way! she knows that would be the end of our marriage."
At some point, he and his wife were hosting a summer barbeque, and he suggested she invite her friend. When she refused, he became suspicious. Another year went by, and I heard through a mutual friend he filed for divorce after discovering his wife was cheating.
7. Frequent Arguments and Break Discussions
Ever feel like a fight just came out of nowhere? One minute you were eating and watching TV, and the next, you were being bombarded with angry complaints?
Nothing creates space like having someone angry with you. A little yelling and screaming along with a dramatic exit to go "cool off" may be one of the surefire signs your wife is cheating.
Another tactic is to discuss the need for more space, possibly taking a break, or having more "girls night out" or "girl's getaway trips." If the solution to her unhappiness is getting away from you, odds are she is cheating or is open to doing so.
How to Know if My Wife is Cheating With Another Woman (5 Bonus Signs)
In general, cheating behavior patterns are the same for all genders. But what if your rival is female? We have prepared a few more signs your wife is cheating with another woman.
1. She accuses you of cheating
As they say, the best defense is a good offense. Many cheaters tend to blame their partners for their infidelity.
This is a kind of red herring to divert suspicion from yourself. If your wife suddenly begins to accuse you of being unfaithful, finds fault with you, pushes you to make excuses, although you did not give a single reason to doubt your fidelity, this is a red flag she may be cheating.
2. She becomes emotionally distant
If you and your wife used to have an emotional connection, and now you are too distant from each other for no apparent reason, this should alert you. Probably, your wife has become more interested in another woman.
3. She's acting more like a friend
Another characteristic of a cheating woman is when she treats you more like a friend and less like a lover. You feel that your relationship was no longer like a marriage but more like roommates.
4. She doesn't post you on social media
She used to like to post your joint photos on social media, but now everything has changed. Now, looking at her profile, it is impossible to understand that she has a relationship.
5. She announced that she would forgive you for cheating
Even though you never wanted intimacy with another woman, suddenly your wife gives you the green light to cheat. This behavior may be because she is counting on the fact that you will forgive her betrayal, or she does not want to be the only spouse who cheats.
Physical signs of infidelity are often obvious, but sometimes we just don't want to notice them. Disappointed in marriage, many people face a big question: what to do next? And here you should choose what best suits your interests.
Even if it seems to you that your spouse's betrayal did not affect you, you should still seek help. A therapist or coach will help you understand the situation and give you all the necessary tools to make the right choice for yourself. Taking care of your psycho-emotional state is the best thing you can do when faced with cheating behavior.